Thoughts by Ducky

rubber-duckyI saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with ‘Guess’ on it. So I said ‘Implants?’ She hit me.

How come we choose from just two people to run for president and over fifty for Miss America?

Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you’re in bed with a relative.

Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can’t even get into my own pants.

I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose fitting clothing, I wouldn’t have signed up in the first place!

When I was young we used to go ‘skinny dipping,’ now I just ‘chunky dunk.’

Don’t argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.

Wouldn’t it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press ‘Ctrl Alt Delete’ and start all over?

Why is it that our children can’t read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?

Wouldn’t you know it…Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT cells live forever.

Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten Commandments cannot be displayed outside?

Image Credit: All For Desktop

The Kiss

Adam and Eve in gardenAfter a few days, the Lord called to Adam and said, “It is time for you and Eve to begin the process of populating the earth so I want you to kiss her.”

Adam answered, “Yes Lord, but what is a kiss?”

So the Lord gave a brief description to Adam who took Eve by the hand and took her to a nearby bush. A few minutes later, Adam emerged and said, “Thank you Lord, that Was enjoyable.”

And the Lord replied, “Yes Adam, I thought you might enjoy that and now I’d like you to caress Eve.”

And Adam said, “What is a caress’?

So the Lord again gave Adam a brief description and Adam went behind the bush with Eve.

Quite a few minutes later, Adam returned, smiling, and said, “Lord, that was even better than the kiss.”

And the Lord said, “You’ve done well, Adam. And now I want you to make love to Eve.”

And Adam asked, “What is ‘make love’ Lord?”‘

So the Lord again gave Adam directions and Adam went again to Eve behind the bush, but this time he reappeared in two seconds.

And Adam said, “Lord, what is a headache?”

Hat tip: Paul of Mr. Cruiser’s Notes

Image Credit: Daily Mail

Teddy Bears

A lady meets a man in a bar. They talk; they connect; they end up leaving together.

They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears.

There are three shelves in the bedroom, with hundreds and hundreds of cute, cuddly teddy bears carefully placed in rows, covering the entire wall!

It was obvious that he had taken quite some time to lovingly arrange them and she was immediately touched by the amount of thought he had put into organizing the display.

There were small bears all along the bottom shelf, medium-sized bears covering the length of the middle shelf, and huge, enormous bears running all the way along the top shelf.

She found it strange for an obviously masculine guy to have such a large collection of teddy bears. She is quite impressed by his sensitive side, but doesn’t mention this to him.

They share a bottle of wine and continue talking and, after awhile, she finds herself thinking, ‘Oh my God! Maybe, this guy could be the one! Maybe he could be the future father of my children?’

She turns to him and kisses him lightly on the lips. He responds warmly. They continue to kiss, the passion builds, and he romantically lifts her in his arms and carries her into his bedroom, where they rip off each others clothes and make hot, steamy love.

She is so overwhelmed that she responds with more passion, more creativity, more heat than she has ever known.

After an intense, explosive night of raw passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying there together in the afterglow. The woman rolls over, gently strokes his chest and asks coyly, ‘Well, how was it?’

The guy gently smiles at her, strokes her cheek, looks deeply into her eyes, and says, ‘Help yourself to any prize from the middle shelf.’

Hat tip: Linda W.

Image Credit: Your French Gift