Category: Humor

You might be a redneck if…

You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.

You have a rag for a gas cap.

Your house doesn’t have curtains, but your truck does.

You wonder how service stations keep their restroom’s so clean.

You can spit without opening your mouth.

You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.

Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say “Cool Whip” on the side.

The biggest city you’ve ever been to is Walmart.

Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.

You’ve used your ironing board as a buffet table.

A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000 worth of improvements.

You’ve used a toilet brush to scratch your back.

You missed your 5th grade graduation because you were on jury duty.

You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65

Hat tip: Jerry T.

Image Credit: Cool Chaser

You might be a redneck if…

You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.

You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a fly swatter.

Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.

You burn your yard rather than mow it.

You think “The Nutcracker” is something you do off the high dive.

The Salvation Army declines your furniture.

You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don’t want it.

You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.

You come back from the dump with more than you took.

You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.

Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.

Your grandmother has “ammo” on her Christmas list.

You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.

You’ve been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.

You go to the stock car races and don’t need a program.

Hat tip: Jerry T.

Image Credit: Cool Chaser

From Husband

Hi Sweetheart,

I am sorry about getting into an argument about putting up the Christmas lights. I guess that sometimes I feel like you are pushing me too hard when you want something. I realize that I was wrong and I am apologizing for being such a hard-headed guy. All I want is for you to be happy and be able to enjoy the holiday season. Nothing brightens the Christmas spirit like Christmas lights! I took the time to hang the lights for you today; and now I will be off to play some golf…

Again, I am very sorry for the way I acted yesterday. I’ll be home late.
Image Credit: Click on Image

Her Reply

Hi Honey,

Thank you for that heart-felt apology. I don’t often get an apology from you, and I truly appreciate it. I, too, felt bad about the argument and wanted to apologize. I realize that I can sometimes be a little pushy. I will try to respect your feelings from now on. Thank you for taking the time to hang the Christmas lights for me. It really means a lot. In the spirit of giving, I washed your truck for you; and now I am off to the mall.
Image Credit: Click on Image

Hat tip: Linda W.