Hollywood Squares

These great questions and answers are from the days when ‘ Hollywood Squares’ game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they are now. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions.

Q. Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat?
A. Paul Lynde: Loneliness! (The audience laughed so long and so hard it took up almost 15 minutes of the show!)

Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.

Q. If you’re going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it…

Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.

Q. You’ve been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That’s what’s been keeping me awake.

Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he’s married?
A. Rose Marie: No, wait until morning.

Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.

Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say ‘I Love You’?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.

Q. What are ‘Do It,’ ‘I Can Help,’ and ‘I Can’t Get Enough’?
A. George Gobel: I don’t know, but it’s coming from the next apartment.

Q.As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I’ll give you a gesture you’ll never forget.

Q. Paul, why do Hell’s Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

Q. Charley, you’ve just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I’m too busy growing strawberries.

Hat tip: Roche the pet rock owned by Empress Bee
Image Credit: Malia Litman

54 thoughts on “Hollywood Squares

  1. Barb says:

    Yes, HS was hysterical sometimes. TV was so much better back then. Nowadays if doesnt have fowl language in every sentence and something isn't blowing up and people aren't killing gruesomely and then these other people aren't taking the law into their own hands, it probably isn't on TV.

    Have yourself a perfect day! big hugs x0x0

  2. Stephanie Faris says:

    Funny! Jokes back then were a little on the corny side, I've noticed. But at least they didn't have the profanity of today. And it doesn't surprise me the responses are scripted now. I think comedians walk around with writers on full-time staff, scripting everything they say throughout the day!

  3. DrillerAA09 says:

    This was one of my mother's favorite game shows. Paul Lynde and Charlie Weaver were two of the funniest people ever. The entire cast was great. Too bad that producers now think that celebrities can't think for themselves. But, maybe most of them can't.

  4. Paul Pietrangelo says:

    Oh my God. How I loved watching that show. You could be guaranteed 30 minutes of laughter. The comedians of today only want to swear in their jokes. Oh well that's life.
    Have a wonderful Tuesday Sandee. See ya.

    Cruisin Paul

  5. cube says:

    All of these brought back memories that made me guffaw (MMG?). I grew up watching this stuff and can remember all of these characters that could tell a double entendre like nobody's business and the kids in the audience were left clueless. They could tell a dirty joke without it being profane. A far jump from what we have nowadays. I miss all of those guys.

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