The Defendant

A judge asks a defendant to please stand. “You are charged with murdering a garbage man with a chain saw.”

From the back of the courtroom a man shouts, “You lying bastard!”

“Silence in the court!” The judge turns to the defendant again and says, “You are also charged with killing a paperboy with a shovel.”

“You tightwad!” blurts the spectator.

“Quiet!” yelled the judge.

“You are also charged with killing a mailman with an electric drill.”

“You cheap son of a… ” the spectator starts to shout.

The judge thunders back, ” I will hold you in contempt! What is the reason for your outbursts?”

“I’ve lived next to that lying bastard for 10 years now, but do you think he ever had a tool when I needed to borrow one?”

Hat tip: Paul of Mr. Cruiser’s Notes
Image Credit: Stratton Law Firm

40 thoughts on “The Defendant

  1. Barb says:

    Boys and their toys, huh? Would you believe it took Al the better part of a week to find someone to sharpen his chain & pole saw blades and to buy some new blades? A week! In the south, no less. Whodathunkit?

    Hope you have some wonderful in your plans for the weekend! big hugs x0x0

    • Comedy Plus says:

      Most people hire that out now. Do it yourself stuff is getting to be a lot art in many places.

      We're staying home and I'm so happy. We'll go to the boat after all the idiots go home. 🙂

  2. Marg says:

    Too funny. Glad my neighbor doesn't loan me any tools. I will just use my own. Sandee, you and Zane and Little Bit have a super day.

    • Comedy Plus says:

      n. noun

      1. A device, such as a saw, shovel, or drill, used to perform or facilitate manual or mechanical work.
      2. A machine, such as a lathe, used to cut and shape machine parts or other objects.
      3. The cutting part of such a machine.
      4. Something regarded as necessary to the carrying out of one's occupation or profession.
      Words are the tools of our trade.
      5. Something used in the performance of an operation; an instrument.
      6. The penis.
      7. A person used to carry out the designs of another; a dupe.
      8. A bookbinder's hand stamp.
      9. A design impressed on a book cover by such a stamp.
      10. A utility program.

      v. verb

      1. To form, work, or decorate with a tool.
      2. To ornament (a book cover) with a bookbinder's tool.
      3. To drive (a vehicle).
      tooled the car at 80 miles an hour.
      4. To work with a tool.
      5. To drive or ride in a vehicle.
      tooled up and down the roads.

  3. cube says:

    I have forensics on the brain. It would've been a good idea for the defendant to loan out his tools thereby implicating his neighbor. Of course, loaning out all your tools at once would look pretty damning on you. I have to tell myself this is a joke and not an episode of CSI.

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