Tag: Critters

The Snail

A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.

Three years later, there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail.

The snail says, “What the heck was that all about?”

Image Credit: Revive Snails Extract® International

The Farmer

A farmer and his pig were driving down the road when a cop pulled him over.

The cop asked the farmer, ”Didn’t you know it is against the law to ride with a pig in the front of your truck?”

The farmer replied, ”No, I didn’t know that.”

The cop ask the farmer where he was going and he said, ”To Memphis”.

The cop said, ”I will let you off the hook this time if you promise to take the pig to the zoo when you get to Memphis.”

So the farmer promised he would. Several days later the cop spotted the farmer with the pig driving down the road and he pulled him over again.

The cop said, ”I thought I told you to take this pig to the zoo when you got to Memphis” and to this the farmer replied, ”I did and we had so much fun, I’m taking him to the circus.”

Image Credit: Victor Schueller

Talking Dog

A guy has a talking dog. He brings it to a talent scout. “This dog can speak English,” he claims to the unimpressed agent.

“Okay, Sport,” the guys says to the dog, “what’s on the top of a house?” “Roof!” the dog replies.

“Oh, come on…” the talent agent responds. “All dogs go ‘roof’.”

“No, wait,” the guy says. He asks the dog, “what does sandpaper feel like?” “Rough!” the dog answers.

The talent agent gives a condescending blank stare. He is losing his patience.

“No, hang on,” the guy says. “This one will amaze you. ” He turns and asks the dog: “Who, in your opinion, was the greatest baseball player of all time?” “Ruth!” goes the dog.

And the talent scout, having seen enough, boots them out of his office onto the street.

And the dog turns to the guy and says, “Maybe I shoulda said DiMaggio?”

Image Credit: WKZO