Church Bulletins II

They’re Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for the church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced at church services:

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

Pot-luck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM – prayer and medication to follow.

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

And this one just about sums them all up:

The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new campaign slogan last Sunday: ‘I Upped My Pledge – Up Yours.’

Hat tip: Nick M.
Image Credit: This Weeks Funny

Wednesdays Question

It’s Wednesday so that means it’s question time. It’s time to ponder and then answer just one question. Okay, you can add all you want as a reason for your answer too. We’d all like that.

So here’s this weeks question: What is one of the things you want to do when the weather warms up?

More boating. There is nothing worse than boat cold. You’ve not lived until the electricity goes out and you’re on your boat in the dead of winter. I want to go on a cruise wearing shorts, t-shirt and flip flops and be warm.

Church Bulletins

They’re Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for the church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced at church services:

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

The sermon this morning: ‘Jesus Walks on the Water. ‘The sermon tonight: ‘Searching for Jesus.’

Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

Don’t let worry kill you off – let the Church help.

Miss Charlene Mason sang ‘I will not pass this way again,’ giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

Next Thursday there will be try-outs for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be ‘What Is Hell?’ Come early and listen to our choir practice.

Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

Hat tip: Nick M.
Image Credit: Christ the King

Awww Mondays

Join us every Monday for Awww…Mondays. Post a picture that makes you say Awww…and that’s it.

Make sure you leave a link to your post here and I’ll visit your Awww…Mondays post. What better why to start the week than with a smile.

Add your link to the Linky Tools v2.0 and then follow the get the code link so we’ll have have the same links.

Image Credit: Click on Image

Awww…Mondays Participants

1. Awww Mondays
2. Margs Animals
3. Silly Willy
4. BeadedTail
5. Lucky Lady
6. Mike Golch
7. Jen
8. Kathe W.
9. Cube
10. Times Squared
11. Gibbs
12. Cruisin’ Paul
13. Michelle
14. Mail4Rosey
15. Binky
16. Cody
17. Traveling Bells
18. Dixie
19. Woodsterman
20. bethere2day
21. Cranky
22. Jean R.
23. Gracie
24. Rocks
25. Catherine
26. Rhonda

Learn more about Awww…Mondays here.

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