Excuses

typorama-82Outrageous Excuses For being Late to Work:

My heat was shut off so I had to stay home to keep my snake warm.

My husband thinks it’s funny to hide my car keys before he goes to work.

I walked into a spider web on the way out the door and couldn’t find the spider, so I had to go inside and shower again.

I got locked in my trunk by my son.

My left turn signal was out so I had to make all right turns to get to work.

A gurney fell out of an ambulance and delayed traffic.

I was attacked by a raccoon and had to stop by the hospital to make sure it wasn’t rabid.

I feel like I’m in everyone’s way if I show up on time.

My father didn’t wake me up.

A groundhog bit my bike tire and made it flat.

My driveway washed away in the rain last night.

I had to go to bingo.

Image Credit: Kicks 105.5

58 thoughts on “Excuses

  1. Barb says:

    hmm… What could I say? I got lost on the way from the bedroom? There was a 6-cat pile-up in the kitchen? The roads in the hallway were under cat hair? The cat ate my homework?

    I am always at work. Dang it. No excuses would ever work. Bugger. Bugger. Bugger.

    Have yourself another lovely day of retirement! big hugs xoxo

  2. Skunkfeathers says:

    I tripped over my pet rock as he was trying to extinguish a fire in the living room. I didn't have the heart to tell him it was a movie on the TV, and the only fires in my place were in the kitchen…

  3. Paul Pietrangelo says:

    What kind of crazy world do we have? I hate spiders. Oh by the way, that one about " My driveway washed away in the rain last night " could be true since what just happened on the east coast with all that rain. East coast has heavy rain and the west coast has a drought. What else will happen on the north and south.?
    Have a wonderful Tuesday Sandee. See ya.

    Cruisin Paul

  4. Stephanie Faris says:

    Here are some funny ones for calling in sick:

    1) "If it is all the same to you I won't be coming in to work. The voices
    told me to clean all the guns today."

    2) "When I got up this morning I took two Ex-Lax in addition to my
    Prozac. I can't get off the john, but I feel good about it."

    3.) "I set half the clocks in my house ahead an hour and the other half
    back an hour Saturday and spent 18 hours in some kind of space-time
    continuum loop, reliving Sunday (right up until the explosion). I was
    able to exit the loop only by reversing the polarity of the power source
    exactly e*log(pi) for the clocks in the house while simultaneously rapping
    my dog on the snout with a rolled up New York Times. Accordingly, I will
    now be in late, or early."

    4.) "I have to go in for a blood transfusion… My stigmata's acting up
    again."

    5.) "I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous
    boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. OK?

    6.) "I have a rare case of 48-hour projectile leprosy, but I know we have
    that deadline to meet, so if you really want me to come in…"

    7.) "I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at the Food Giant."

    8.) "Yes, I seem to have contracted some attention-deficit disorder and,
    hey, how about them Skins, huh? So, I won't be able to, yes, could I help
    you? No, no, I'll be sticking with Sprint, but thank you for calling."

    9.) "I accidentally converted my calendar from Julian to Gregorian and
    lost today."

    10.) "I just found out that I was switched at birth. Legally, I shouldn't
    come to work knowing my employee records may now contain false information.

    11.) "The psychiatrist said it was an excellent session. He even gave me
    this jaw restraint so I won't bite things when I am startled."

    12.) "The dog ate my car keys and we have to hitchhike to the vet."

    13.) "Today I am compelled to remain an enigma."

    14.) "My mother-in-law has come back as one of the Undead and we must
    track her to her coffin to drive a stake through her heart and give her
    eternal peace. One day should do it."

    15.) "I can't come to work today because the EPA has determined that my
    house is completely surrounded by wetlands and I have to arrange for
    helicopter transportation.

    16.) "Constipation has made me a walking time bomb and I have to keep my
    back to an open window.

  5. cube says:

    The spider one sticks out for me. My youngest daughter got bitten by one on Friday and developed cellulitis on her leg. My husband made two trips up to Gainesville, one in the middle of the night Saturday. On the second trip to the ER, they incised the bite and drained it. She's now on two antibiotics for what she's calling her zombie leg.

  6. BeadedTail says:

    I think they're pretty creative! Since I work from home I only have the excuses of I slept in, I have a migraine or the internet is out. 🙂

    Hope you're having a wonderful Tortie Tuesday! Scritches to Little Bit!

  7. Ann says:

    My daughter will love the one about walking into a spider web because she was just telling me about doing that the other day when she went out her front door. She'll be upset that she didn't think to use it as an excuse to be late for work though

  8. Linda says:

    LOL Sandee! These are great! The first one wouldn't work too well for those of us living in a big city like Montreal. While there may be a few who own snakes they are definitely in the minority (thankfully). Hilarious, thanks so much for sharing. 🙂

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