Funny Quotes

“The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.” – Winston Churchill

“Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?” – Unknown

“The trouble with being punctual is that nobody’s there to appreciate it.” – Franklin P. Jones

“I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I’m doing.” – Unknown

“God gave us our relatives; thank God we can choose our friends.” – Ethel Mumford

“A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that ‘individuality’ is the key to success.” – Robert Purvis

“The human brain is a wonderful thing. It starts working the moment you are born, and never stops until you stand up to speak in public.” – George Jessel

“America is a country where half the money is spent buying food, and the other half is spent trying to lose weight.” – Unknown

“Isn’t having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?” – Unknown

“By the time a man realizes that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he’s wrong.” – Charles Wadsworth

Image Credit: Bacon Wrapped Media

  50 comments for “Funny Quotes

  1. October 13, 2015 at 2:46 am

    Brilliant quotes especially the human brain one LOL

    Have a quotetastic day Sandee g-)

    • October 13, 2015 at 4:19 pm

      It's so true isn't it? Yes it is. 🙂

  2. October 13, 2015 at 3:43 am

    Another great collection. My favorite is the smoking one.

    • October 13, 2015 at 4:19 pm

      Yep, that one is spot on. 🙂

  3. October 13, 2015 at 5:18 am

    Brilliant…all of them!

    Big hugs, honey…

    • October 13, 2015 at 4:19 pm

      Yes they are honey. 🙂

  4. October 13, 2015 at 5:18 am

    I too wish Noah had swatted those two mosquitoes. Sandee, you and Zane and Little Bit all have a fantastic day. Can;t wait to hear about the big visit.

    • October 13, 2015 at 4:20 pm

      Me too Marg. Mosquitoes love me a lot. 🙂

  5. October 13, 2015 at 5:32 am

    have seen some of these but I love them!!! These are great for status updates for facebook!

    • October 13, 2015 at 4:20 pm

      Yes they are Caren. Have a great trip. 🙂

  6. October 13, 2015 at 5:54 am

    “Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?” I love it and I totally agree.
    Have a mosquitoesless Tuesday Sandee. See ya.

    Cruisin Paul

    • October 13, 2015 at 4:21 pm

      There are lots of things that are useful that I don't care for, but mosquitoes don't seem to have any real use. I'm sure they do, and I just don't know. 🙂

  7. October 13, 2015 at 7:35 am

    I love all of these quotes…especially the one about Noah and friends.
    Have a great day!

    • October 13, 2015 at 4:21 pm

      I agree with you on both. 🙂

  8. October 13, 2015 at 7:39 am

    LOL!!! These are hilarious, Sandee! Noah swatting the mosquitoes had me laughing the hardest! They are annoying little things! 🙂 I hope your week is fantastic!

    • October 13, 2015 at 4:22 pm

      Yes they are Linda. We had a most wonderful weekend. 🙂

  9. October 13, 2015 at 7:50 am

    The one about losing weight is soooo true.

    • October 13, 2015 at 4:22 pm

      Sad isn't it. It's true, but it's sad. 🙂

  10. October 13, 2015 at 8:45 am

    It was tense…. Love that one =))

    • October 13, 2015 at 4:23 pm

      Love them all. Some I'd not heard before. 🙂

  11. October 13, 2015 at 9:15 am

    I'd have been happy if Noah just swatted one of those mosquitos.

    • October 13, 2015 at 4:23 pm

      Yep, that would have done the same thing. 🙂

  12. October 13, 2015 at 9:20 am

    Oh yes Sandee, if only Noah had swatted the mosquitoes, then we don't have to be plagued by the dengue virus and other mosquitoes bearing sicknesses. They are all great ones.

    • October 13, 2015 at 4:24 pm

      They do carry a lot of ugly don't they. 🙂

  13. October 13, 2015 at 9:44 am

    Yep, the last one strikes a memory

    • October 13, 2015 at 4:24 pm

      For all of us. The girls aren't any better. 🙂

  14. October 13, 2015 at 10:17 am

    These are all good. I love the last one. And yes, yes, yes to the mosquitoes. 🙂

    • October 13, 2015 at 4:24 pm

      Looks like we are in agreement about those pesky mosquitoes. 🙂

  15. October 13, 2015 at 12:02 pm

    Haha, way too many funny gems here to pick just one favorite!

    • October 13, 2015 at 4:25 pm

      They are all good. 🙂

  16. Ann
    October 13, 2015 at 12:56 pm

    Now that I'm not a smoker any more I totally agree with that one….lol

    • October 13, 2015 at 4:25 pm

      Yep, I'm not a smoker anymore either and I sure don't want to smell that nasty smoke. 🙂

  17. October 13, 2015 at 1:26 pm

    Noah could have taken care of the termites, flies, and roaches while he was at it. And fleas, except that i'll bet more than two of them came, on the animals.

    Thanks for the giggle today!

    • October 13, 2015 at 4:26 pm

      I don't care for fleas either. Little Bit doesn't like them either. 🙂

  18. October 13, 2015 at 1:54 pm

    LOL Loved the Churchill quote and the speaking in public one is certainly true for me.

    • October 13, 2015 at 4:26 pm

      Churchill was brilliant. 🙂

  19. October 13, 2015 at 2:52 pm

    Those were really good—liked the Churchill one about dumb voters. Thank god we live in a republic and not quite yet a democracy—may we never get there.

    • October 13, 2015 at 4:26 pm

      I agree about democracy. May we never get there. 🙂

  20. October 13, 2015 at 2:58 pm

    Hahahaha! Those made me giggle and nod in agreement!

    Hope you're having a wonderful day! Scritches to Little Bit!

    • October 13, 2015 at 4:27 pm

      Little Bit is so happy we're home. So are we although we had a great time. 🙂

  21. October 13, 2015 at 6:06 pm

    LOVE all of these but the smoking section one is priceless.

    • October 14, 2015 at 7:19 am

      It is a good one indeed. I hate trying to eat while smelling all that cigarette smoke. 🙂

    • October 15, 2015 at 9:45 am

      I have another one- "Don't believe everything you think" Cheers!

    • October 15, 2015 at 10:26 am

      That's a great one Kathe. It's so true too. 🙂

  22. October 14, 2015 at 9:51 am

    The best – “Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?”

    • October 14, 2015 at 12:13 pm

      That's a good one indeed. 🙂

  23. October 14, 2015 at 2:19 pm

    LOL, that first quote is far too accurate to be funny. 😉 –

  24. October 16, 2015 at 12:49 pm

    We rarely appreciate our parent's wisdom enough.

    • October 16, 2015 at 3:44 pm

      We sure don't until we get out on our own. 🙂

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