Outrageous Excuses For being Late to Work:

My heat was shut off so I had to stay home to keep my snake warm.

My husband thinks it’s funny to hide my car keys before he goes to work.

I walked into a spider web on the way out the door and couldn’t find the spider, so I had to go inside and shower again.

I got locked in my trunk by my son.

My left turn signal was out so I had to make all right turns to get to work.

A gurney fell out of an ambulance and delayed traffic.

I was attacked by a raccoon and had to stop by the hospital to make sure it wasn’t rabid.

I feel like I’m in everyone’s way if I show up on time.

My father didn’t wake me up.

A groundhog bit my bike tire and made it flat.

My driveway washed away in the rain last night.

I had to go to bingo.

Image Credit: Imgarcade

  58 comments for “Excuses

  1. October 6, 2015 at 12:29 am

    hmm… What could I say? I got lost on the way from the bedroom? There was a 6-cat pile-up in the kitchen? The roads in the hallway were under cat hair? The cat ate my homework?

    I am always at work. Dang it. No excuses would ever work. Bugger. Bugger. Bugger.

    Have yourself another lovely day of retirement! big hugs xoxo

    • October 6, 2015 at 12:18 pm

      Those are just as good Barb. The weirder the better. 🙂

  2. October 6, 2015 at 1:30 am

    I tripped over my pet rock as he was trying to extinguish a fire in the living room. I didn't have the heart to tell him it was a movie on the TV, and the only fires in my place were in the kitchen…

    • October 6, 2015 at 12:18 pm

      Seymour can be a bit out of touch at times can't he. 🙂

  3. October 6, 2015 at 1:35 am

    My favorite was staying home to keep my snake warm.. Which only makes me wonder, what "snake" he was talking about! Lol..

    • October 6, 2015 at 12:18 pm

      Yep, I thought the same thing. 🙂

  4. October 6, 2015 at 3:54 am

    Love the one about turning right all day. Good one. But they are very laughable. Sandee, you and Zane and Little Bit have a great day.

    • October 6, 2015 at 12:19 pm

      Probably a blonde. 🙂

  5. October 6, 2015 at 3:54 am

    Most of these are pretty pathetic, but "My husband thinks it's funny to hide my car keys before he goes to work." totally made me laugh.

    • October 6, 2015 at 12:19 pm

      Your husband is a funny man. 🙂

  6. October 6, 2015 at 5:38 am

    Now this is something I cannot relate to. In the 26 yrs I worked outside of the home I was probably late for work less than five times 🙂

    • October 6, 2015 at 12:19 pm

      Me either, but I've heard a lot of lame excuses. 🙂

  7. October 6, 2015 at 5:43 am

    Seem very creative, but hard to believe.
    Have a great day!

    • October 6, 2015 at 12:20 pm

      You'd be surprised how stupid people can be. 🙂

  8. October 6, 2015 at 5:46 am

    I had to go to Bingo? Now where exactly would that line work I wonder.


    • October 6, 2015 at 12:20 pm

      Probably nowhere. 🙂

  9. October 6, 2015 at 5:50 am

    I would totally do the spider one! I am sorry, but those things terrify me! My husband says I am a wuss, but a girl has to have at least one fear )

    • October 6, 2015 at 12:20 pm

      I don't care for spiders or snakes. 🙂

  10. October 6, 2015 at 5:55 am

    What a delightful read. And very creative I must say.

    • October 6, 2015 at 12:21 pm

      Yes, some folks can come up with the strangest things. 🙂

  11. October 6, 2015 at 5:56 am

    Some of those are probably true. Crazy funny, but true.

    • October 6, 2015 at 12:21 pm

      I'm guessing you're right Jean. 🙂

  12. October 6, 2015 at 6:35 am

    What kind of crazy world do we have? I hate spiders. Oh by the way, that one about " My driveway washed away in the rain last night " could be true since what just happened on the east coast with all that rain. East coast has heavy rain and the west coast has a drought. What else will happen on the north and south.?
    Have a wonderful Tuesday Sandee. See ya.

    Cruisin Paul

    • October 6, 2015 at 12:21 pm

      A real crazy world Paul. 🙂

  13. October 6, 2015 at 7:40 am

    Here are some funny ones for calling in sick:

    1) "If it is all the same to you I won't be coming in to work. The voices
    told me to clean all the guns today."

    2) "When I got up this morning I took two Ex-Lax in addition to my
    Prozac. I can't get off the john, but I feel good about it."

    3.) "I set half the clocks in my house ahead an hour and the other half
    back an hour Saturday and spent 18 hours in some kind of space-time
    continuum loop, reliving Sunday (right up until the explosion). I was
    able to exit the loop only by reversing the polarity of the power source
    exactly e*log(pi) for the clocks in the house while simultaneously rapping
    my dog on the snout with a rolled up New York Times. Accordingly, I will
    now be in late, or early."

    4.) "I have to go in for a blood transfusion… My stigmata's acting up

    5.) "I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous
    boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. OK?

    6.) "I have a rare case of 48-hour projectile leprosy, but I know we have
    that deadline to meet, so if you really want me to come in…"

    7.) "I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at the Food Giant."

    8.) "Yes, I seem to have contracted some attention-deficit disorder and,
    hey, how about them Skins, huh? So, I won't be able to, yes, could I help
    you? No, no, I'll be sticking with Sprint, but thank you for calling."

    9.) "I accidentally converted my calendar from Julian to Gregorian and
    lost today."

    10.) "I just found out that I was switched at birth. Legally, I shouldn't
    come to work knowing my employee records may now contain false information.

    11.) "The psychiatrist said it was an excellent session. He even gave me
    this jaw restraint so I won't bite things when I am startled."

    12.) "The dog ate my car keys and we have to hitchhike to the vet."

    13.) "Today I am compelled to remain an enigma."

    14.) "My mother-in-law has come back as one of the Undead and we must
    track her to her coffin to drive a stake through her heart and give her
    eternal peace. One day should do it."

    15.) "I can't come to work today because the EPA has determined that my
    house is completely surrounded by wetlands and I have to arrange for
    helicopter transportation.

    16.) "Constipation has made me a walking time bomb and I have to keep my
    back to an open window.

    • October 6, 2015 at 12:22 pm

      Oh these are awesome Stephanie. 🙂

  14. October 6, 2015 at 8:09 am

    I love the one about the spider web. that might actually be something I might do 😉

    • October 6, 2015 at 12:22 pm

      Probably more than one of us can relate to the spider one. 🙂

  15. October 6, 2015 at 8:23 am

    amazingly creative and ridiculous excuses…..I always used the "I was too well to come into work"

    • October 6, 2015 at 12:23 pm

      Oh I Iike that one Kathe. 🙂

  16. October 6, 2015 at 8:45 am

    B-7. O-64. I-18.

    • October 6, 2015 at 12:23 pm

      Got all three of those. 🙂

  17. October 6, 2015 at 9:09 am

    #5 is perfectly valid!

    • October 6, 2015 at 12:23 pm

      Why not Joe, why not. 🙂

  18. October 6, 2015 at 9:30 am

    The spider one sticks out for me. My youngest daughter got bitten by one on Friday and developed cellulitis on her leg. My husband made two trips up to Gainesville, one in the middle of the night Saturday. On the second trip to the ER, they incised the bite and drained it. She's now on two antibiotics for what she's calling her zombie leg.

    • October 6, 2015 at 12:24 pm

      Spider bites are not funny one bit. 🙂

  19. October 6, 2015 at 10:53 am

    LMAO especially at I had to go to Bingo

    Have a legseleventastic day g-)

    • October 6, 2015 at 12:24 pm

      Better than working I suppose. 🙂

  20. October 6, 2015 at 12:41 pm

    C'mon, just carry a flat tire in the trunk, and say you had a flat! Just remember which tire it was.

    • October 6, 2015 at 2:30 pm

      And then you really have a flat tire and now you have two. 🙂

  21. October 6, 2015 at 12:45 pm

    Couldnt handle the spider web!!

  22. October 6, 2015 at 1:13 pm

    I think they're pretty creative! Since I work from home I only have the excuses of I slept in, I have a migraine or the internet is out. 🙂

    Hope you're having a wonderful Tortie Tuesday! Scritches to Little Bit!

    • October 6, 2015 at 2:30 pm

      I'm not guessing you show up late either. You love your job now. 🙂

  23. Ann
    October 6, 2015 at 3:56 pm

    My daughter will love the one about walking into a spider web because she was just telling me about doing that the other day when she went out her front door. She'll be upset that she didn't think to use it as an excuse to be late for work though

    • October 6, 2015 at 4:58 pm

      I walk into them all the time at the boat. Hate it, but I still do it. Don't tell her. 🙂

  24. October 6, 2015 at 4:48 pm

    LOL Sandee! These are great! The first one wouldn't work too well for those of us living in a big city like Montreal. While there may be a few who own snakes they are definitely in the minority (thankfully). Hilarious, thanks so much for sharing. 🙂

    • October 6, 2015 at 4:58 pm

      People will try most anything won't they. 🙂

  25. October 6, 2015 at 5:14 pm

    Love the groundhog excuse. I'm gonna use that one! Lol!

    • October 7, 2015 at 8:04 am

      Why not, it's pretty creative. 🙂

  26. October 6, 2015 at 6:17 pm

    I'm retired so I thought I wasn't required to be here.

    • October 7, 2015 at 8:04 am

      That's the best excuse yet. It's the one I use too. 🙂

  27. October 6, 2015 at 7:28 pm

    It's quite amazing the lies people tell these days!

    • October 7, 2015 at 8:05 am

      It is indeed. I've been on the receiving end of some of these lies too. 🙂

  28. October 7, 2015 at 6:37 am

    People are definitely creative in their word avoidance issues…but have no issues with still getting that paycheck!

    Have a wonderful Wednesday. Big hugs, honey…

    • October 7, 2015 at 8:05 am

      Isn't that the truth. Bless their hearts. 🙂

  29. October 7, 2015 at 3:30 pm

    And if you keep going to bingo, you won't have a job to go to.

    • October 7, 2015 at 4:12 pm

      You're right about that Binky. 🙂

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