The Defendant

A judge asks a defendant to please stand. “You are charged with murdering a garbage man with a chain saw.”

From the back of the courtroom a man shouts, “You lying bastard!”

“Silence in the court!” The judge turns to the defendant again and says, “You are also charged with killing a paperboy with a shovel.”

“You tightwad!” blurts the spectator.

“Quiet!” yelled the judge.

“You are also charged with killing a mailman with an electric drill.”

“You cheap son of a… ” the spectator starts to shout.

The judge thunders back, ” I will hold you in contempt! What is the reason for your outbursts?”

“I’ve lived next to that lying bastard for 10 years now, but do you think he ever had a tool when I needed to borrow one?”

Hat tip: Paul of Mr. Cruiser’s Notes
Image Credit: Stratton Law Firm

  40 comments for “The Defendant

  1. May 23, 2015 at 1:10 am

    Boys and their toys, huh? Would you believe it took Al the better part of a week to find someone to sharpen his chain & pole saw blades and to buy some new blades? A week! In the south, no less. Whodathunkit?

    Hope you have some wonderful in your plans for the weekend! big hugs x0x0

    • May 23, 2015 at 4:15 pm

      Most people hire that out now. Do it yourself stuff is getting to be a lot art in many places.

      We're staying home and I'm so happy. We'll go to the boat after all the idiots go home. πŸ™‚

  2. May 23, 2015 at 1:48 am

    LOL – He should think of himself as lucky the guy didn't have the tools wehn he wanted them – who know what he would have done with them.

    • May 23, 2015 at 4:16 pm

      You're a point Rhonda. I'd not thought of that. πŸ™‚

  3. May 23, 2015 at 3:07 am

    lesson to learn. Always loan out the tools you use as murder weapons. Also known as how to frame your neighbor.

    • May 23, 2015 at 4:16 pm

      Now we know. Excellent idea. πŸ™‚

  4. May 23, 2015 at 5:19 am

    Yeah, good thing he didn't give him the tools…sounds like he didn't like to 'give' them in a very great way. πŸ˜‰

    • May 23, 2015 at 4:17 pm

      Looks that way doesn't it. πŸ™‚

  5. May 23, 2015 at 5:40 am

    Ha,ha,ha. Have a wonderful Saturday Sandee. See ya.

    Cruisin Paul

    • May 23, 2015 at 4:17 pm

      Thanks for letting me steal your jokes Paul.

      You have a wonderful Saturday too. πŸ™‚

  6. May 23, 2015 at 5:57 am

    Glad I have GOOD neighbors. Hehe

    Have a wonderful Saturday. Big hugs, honey…

    • May 23, 2015 at 4:17 pm

      Me too honey, me too. πŸ™‚

  7. May 23, 2015 at 6:15 am

    Hahaha!! Maybe it is lucky for the neighbor that he never actually saw any of the power tools πŸ™‚ Have a wonderful weekend!

    • May 23, 2015 at 4:17 pm

      You're probably right about that. πŸ™‚

  8. May 23, 2015 at 6:15 am

    Too funny. Glad my neighbor doesn't loan me any tools. I will just use my own. Sandee, you and Zane and Little Bit have a super day.

    • May 23, 2015 at 4:21 pm

      We'll use our as well. πŸ™‚

  9. May 23, 2015 at 7:42 am

    What's the legal definition of "tool"?

    • May 23, 2015 at 4:20 pm

      n. noun

      1. A device, such as a saw, shovel, or drill, used to perform or facilitate manual or mechanical work.
      2. A machine, such as a lathe, used to cut and shape machine parts or other objects.
      3. The cutting part of such a machine.
      4. Something regarded as necessary to the carrying out of one's occupation or profession.
      Words are the tools of our trade.
      5. Something used in the performance of an operation; an instrument.
      6. The penis.
      7. A person used to carry out the designs of another; a dupe.
      8. A bookbinder's hand stamp.
      9. A design impressed on a book cover by such a stamp.
      10. A utility program.

      v. verb

      1. To form, work, or decorate with a tool.
      2. To ornament (a book cover) with a bookbinder's tool.
      3. To drive (a vehicle).
      tooled the car at 80 miles an hour.
      4. To work with a tool.
      5. To drive or ride in a vehicle.
      tooled up and down the roads.

  10. May 23, 2015 at 8:49 am

    Priorities.

    • May 23, 2015 at 4:21 pm

      Always Joe, always. πŸ™‚

  11. May 23, 2015 at 10:02 am

    LOL I sympathise because he did have a point heheh!

    Have a verdicttastic day Sandee :-h

    • May 23, 2015 at 4:21 pm

      Well he did at that. πŸ™‚

  12. May 23, 2015 at 11:25 am

    If you lend out your tools, you might not have the right one for the job when you really need it.

    • May 23, 2015 at 4:21 pm

      This is true and most folks have a hard time remembering to return what they borrowed. πŸ™‚

  13. May 23, 2015 at 12:48 pm

    Someone is a tool in the courtroom

    • May 23, 2015 at 4:22 pm

      Well, there is that. πŸ™‚

  14. May 23, 2015 at 1:02 pm

    Oh, my!

    • May 23, 2015 at 4:22 pm

      Yep, oh my indeed. πŸ™‚

  15. May 23, 2015 at 1:22 pm

    I have forensics on the brain. It would've been a good idea for the defendant to loan out his tools thereby implicating his neighbor. Of course, loaning out all your tools at once would look pretty damning on you. I have to tell myself this is a joke and not an episode of CSI.

    • May 23, 2015 at 4:22 pm

      Yes, it's just a silly joke. Not CSI. πŸ™‚

  16. May 23, 2015 at 1:27 pm

    Heeheehee!

    • May 23, 2015 at 4:22 pm

      I always say Bwahahahahahahaha. πŸ™‚

  17. May 23, 2015 at 2:28 pm

    LOL =))

    • May 23, 2015 at 4:23 pm

      I agree. I hope you two are having a woof woof day. My best to your peeps. πŸ™‚

  18. May 23, 2015 at 7:45 pm

    Laughing…that's too funny. I hope you're having a great week-end Sandee.

    xoxoxo

    Annie

    • May 24, 2015 at 7:20 am

      We stayed home this weekend to avoid all the idiots that are out on the water. We're having a fabulous weekend. Love you. πŸ™‚

  19. May 25, 2015 at 6:30 pm

    I guess he had more important things to do with them.

    • May 26, 2015 at 11:03 am

      Apparently so Binky. πŸ™‚

  20. May 25, 2015 at 6:31 pm

    sometimes..a guy's most prized possession is his tools πŸ™‚

    • May 26, 2015 at 11:03 am

      Often in many cases. πŸ™‚

β™₯I Love Commentsβ™₯

%d bloggers like this: