Hollywood Squares

These great questions and answers are from the days when ‘ Hollywood Squares’ game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they are now. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions.

Q. Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat?
A. Paul Lynde: Loneliness! (The audience laughed so long and so hard it took up almost 15 minutes of the show!)

Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.

Q. If you’re going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it…

Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.

Q. You’ve been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That’s what’s been keeping me awake.

Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he’s married?
A. Rose Marie: No, wait until morning.

Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.

Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say ‘I Love You’?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.

Q. What are ‘Do It,’ ‘I Can Help,’ and ‘I Can’t Get Enough’?
A. George Gobel: I don’t know, but it’s coming from the next apartment.

Q.As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I’ll give you a gesture you’ll never forget.

Q. Paul, why do Hell’s Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

Q. Charley, you’ve just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I’m too busy growing strawberries.

Hat tip: Roche the pet rock owned by Empress Bee
Image Credit: Malia Litman

  54 comments for “Hollywood Squares

  1. May 5, 2015 at 1:34 am

    Yes, HS was hysterical sometimes. TV was so much better back then. Nowadays if doesnt have fowl language in every sentence and something isn't blowing up and people aren't killing gruesomely and then these other people aren't taking the law into their own hands, it probably isn't on TV.

    Have yourself a perfect day! big hugs x0x0

    • May 5, 2015 at 9:34 am

      I watched this show often because it was so entertaining. πŸ™‚

    • May 5, 2015 at 9:44 am

      Yeppers!!!

    • May 5, 2015 at 9:48 am

      Yeppers indeed Mike. πŸ™‚

  2. May 5, 2015 at 2:33 am

    the first one and Don Knott's answers are my favorite, but these all had me giggling. Good find. Thanks for sharing them.

    • May 5, 2015 at 9:35 am

      The loneliness one was the very best one ever. πŸ™‚

  3. May 5, 2015 at 3:16 am

    Funny! Jokes back then were a little on the corny side, I've noticed. But at least they didn't have the profanity of today. And it doesn't surprise me the responses are scripted now. I think comedians walk around with writers on full-time staff, scripting everything they say throughout the day!

    • May 5, 2015 at 9:36 am

      I don't care for all the profanity either. Not necessary. πŸ™‚

  4. May 5, 2015 at 5:10 am

    This was one of my mother's favorite game shows. Paul Lynde and Charlie Weaver were two of the funniest people ever. The entire cast was great. Too bad that producers now think that celebrities can't think for themselves. But, maybe most of them can't.

    • May 5, 2015 at 5:13 am

      Come to think of it, everything is scripted because they don't want to risk saying anything politically incorrect and offending some one. They might lose a sponsor, and we just can't have that, now can we? πŸ™‚

    • May 5, 2015 at 9:36 am

      Most of them can't think for themselves is right. πŸ™

    • May 5, 2015 at 9:37 am

      The politically correct folks are killing free speech, but that's the point. πŸ™

  5. May 5, 2015 at 5:39 am

    Oh my God. How I loved watching that show. You could be guaranteed 30 minutes of laughter. The comedians of today only want to swear in their jokes. Oh well that's life.
    Have a wonderful Tuesday Sandee. See ya.

    Cruisin Paul

    • May 5, 2015 at 9:37 am

      Yes, they were all very funny folks. πŸ™‚

  6. May 5, 2015 at 5:54 am

    That was one of my favorite shows too. Very very funny. You and Zane and Little Bit have a great Day Sandee.

    • May 5, 2015 at 9:38 am

      I wasn't much for game shows, but I sure enjoy this one. πŸ™‚

  7. May 5, 2015 at 5:59 am

    That was a funny show back in its day as perfectly illustrated by these Q & A's.

    • May 5, 2015 at 9:38 am

      Yes, good clean fun for the entire family. πŸ™‚

  8. May 5, 2015 at 7:41 am

    The old show may not have been scripted, but there was discussion before the taping about the subject matter that was going to be asked.

    • May 5, 2015 at 9:38 am

      There would have had to be some discussion indeed. πŸ™‚

  9. May 5, 2015 at 9:41 am

    that show had me in stiches,I always enjoyed Charlie Weavers antics as well.

    • May 5, 2015 at 9:47 am

      He was indeed a funny man. I think all of them were fabulous. πŸ™‚

  10. May 5, 2015 at 10:00 am

    I loved this show. The early, non-scripted one. All of those old shows that were simply about having fun.

    • May 5, 2015 at 11:01 am

      There were indeed to simply have fun and we did. πŸ™‚

  11. May 5, 2015 at 10:26 am

    Hahaha! I used to watch that show when I was a kid but it's all different reading those now! Loved the old game shows!

    Happy Cinco de Mayo Sandee! Scritches to Little Bit!

    • May 5, 2015 at 11:01 am

      The kids didn't get the snide remarks. Very clean fun.

      Happy Cinco de Mayo to you too. πŸ™‚

  12. May 5, 2015 at 11:48 am

    LOL brilliant but Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather? was the best comeback lmao

    Have a quiptastic day Sandee :-h

    • May 5, 2015 at 12:32 pm

      Paul was my favorite of all of them. He just had a way about him. πŸ™‚

  13. May 5, 2015 at 11:57 am

    Heeheehee! Those are fabulous!

    • May 5, 2015 at 12:32 pm

      Yes they are. Some funny people were on that show. πŸ™‚

  14. May 5, 2015 at 12:13 pm

    Hilarious Sandee. I really laughed at the Hell's Angels one. I could do a comic with some of these

    • May 5, 2015 at 12:32 pm

      You could Tony. Why don't you? πŸ™‚

  15. May 5, 2015 at 12:34 pm

    some great old timers listed there that the young peeps probably never heard of! Have a great rest of your day! xoxo

    • May 5, 2015 at 1:52 pm

      So true Caren. I was born in 1951 so I knew all these folks. πŸ™‚

  16. May 5, 2015 at 12:40 pm

    Jen's Guy was home for lunch and we read these together. We were laughing so hard we were worried we would wake up the baby!

    • May 5, 2015 at 1:53 pm

      This show was so funny. The other half I'm posting on Thursday. πŸ™‚

  17. May 5, 2015 at 1:14 pm

    thanks for the hilarious answers! Cheers!

    • May 5, 2015 at 1:53 pm

      You're most welcome Kathe. πŸ™‚

  18. May 5, 2015 at 1:16 pm

    All of these brought back memories that made me guffaw (MMG?). I grew up watching this stuff and can remember all of these characters that could tell a double entendre like nobody's business and the kids in the audience were left clueless. They could tell a dirty joke without it being profane. A far jump from what we have nowadays. I miss all of those guys.

    • May 5, 2015 at 1:54 pm

      I was left clueless, but my parents knew. πŸ™‚

  19. May 5, 2015 at 1:48 pm

    I remember that show and some of those answers were hysterical

    • May 5, 2015 at 1:54 pm

      Yes they were Ann. πŸ™‚

  20. May 5, 2015 at 8:07 pm

    These are hilarious! I do remember watching a few shows. Really funny stuff.

    Big hugs, honey…

    • May 6, 2015 at 5:32 am

      Very funny stuff. Good clean fun back in the day. πŸ™‚

  21. May 5, 2015 at 8:59 pm

    Lol. Loved Charlie Weaver. He was funny!

    • May 6, 2015 at 5:32 am

      Yes he was. Very funny. πŸ™‚

  22. May 6, 2015 at 2:59 am

    Don answer's made me laugh out loud πŸ™‚ can I watch this on youtube you think? It's hilarious!!!

    • May 6, 2015 at 5:32 am

      Yes you can watch Hollywood Squares on YouTube. There are lots of them. πŸ™‚

  23. May 6, 2015 at 4:36 am

    Those are funny. We used to watch this when I was a kid, I can see the people's faces in my mind while reading what your wrote! πŸ™‚

    • May 6, 2015 at 5:33 am

      Some funny folks back in the day and no vulgar language either. πŸ™‚

  24. May 6, 2015 at 8:29 am

    Those are a lot of fun. I remember many of them. c-)

    • May 6, 2015 at 8:41 am

      Yes they were Odie. I've watched a bunch of them on YouTube the last few days. πŸ™‚

  25. May 6, 2015 at 5:52 pm

    I remember watching the show many years ago when those people were on. It was pretty funny back then.

    • May 7, 2015 at 7:17 am

      It was funny indeed Binky. πŸ™‚

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