Church Bulletins II

They’re Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for the church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced at church services:

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

Pot-luck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM – prayer and medication to follow.

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

And this one just about sums them all up:

The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new campaign slogan last Sunday: β€˜I Upped My Pledge – Up Yours.’

Hat tip: Nick M.
Image Credit: This Weeks Funny

  51 comments for “Church Bulletins II

  1. February 19, 2015 at 1:50 am

    Those are hilarious lmao

    Have a holytastic day Sandee :-h

    PS: Leaves blog by the back door then through to the large double side doors

    • February 19, 2015 at 9:36 am

      You crack me up Steve. Love all the doors stuff. πŸ™‚

  2. February 19, 2015 at 2:37 am

    Loved the gracious hostility. That one sums it up for me! πŸ™‚

    big hugs xoxo

    • February 19, 2015 at 9:37 am

      Me too Barb. Scritches to all the babies. πŸ™‚

  3. February 19, 2015 at 3:00 am

    LoL. Love it, especially the part with the weightwatchers

    • February 19, 2015 at 9:37 am

      Yep, those double doors was a big slip up. πŸ™‚

  4. February 19, 2015 at 4:17 am

    ELECTRIC girdles…that sounds like an interesting concept…and painful, actually.

    • February 19, 2015 at 9:42 am

      Sounds very painful Stephanie. πŸ™‚

  5. LAC
    February 19, 2015 at 4:23 am

    Oh man! They are all chuckle worthy and exactly necessary to get a smile going this VERY COLD morning!!!

    • February 19, 2015 at 9:42 am

      I'll just be glad when you can wash your car and it stays clean for more than a couple of hours. πŸ™‚

  6. February 19, 2015 at 5:40 am

    " Up Yours. " Ha,ha,ha,ha,ha.Now that was funny. You made my day, again my friend. Have a wonderful Thursday Sandee. Last night it went down to -18. Very cold indeed.
    See ya.

    Cruisin Paul

    • February 19, 2015 at 9:43 am

      That one is my favorite Paul. I laughed out loud. πŸ™‚

  7. February 19, 2015 at 6:00 am

    LOL…I esp. like the first one. πŸ™‚

    • February 19, 2015 at 9:43 am

      Must be tough to stuff in that deceased person into that envelope. πŸ™‚

  8. February 19, 2015 at 6:06 am

    Being from the south, I especially love the gracious hostility, y'all! That works for me.

    Big hugs from chilly WPB, honey…

    • February 19, 2015 at 9:43 am

      Yes, I figured you would. πŸ™‚

  9. February 19, 2015 at 6:10 am

    I think the church bulletins are my favors. I have a cousin who writes them and I know the kidding she gets when she makes these kinds of errors.

    • February 19, 2015 at 9:44 am

      It's so easy to make some of these mistakes too. So easy. πŸ™‚

  10. February 19, 2015 at 6:33 am

    LOL! They really need to proof read!

    Hope you have a wonderful day! Scritches to Little Bit!

    • February 19, 2015 at 9:44 am

      Yes, they really need to be proofed. Scritches to Isabella and Angel. πŸ™‚

  11. February 19, 2015 at 6:45 am

    The writers thought everything was OK because they all passed the spell checker.

    • February 19, 2015 at 9:45 am

      Yep, you nailed it. πŸ™‚

  12. February 19, 2015 at 6:56 am

    Up yours, now that is truly funny!

    • February 19, 2015 at 9:45 am

      And he thought he was doing the challenge right. πŸ™‚

  13. February 19, 2015 at 7:16 am

    sometimes I think those Church ladies have a fun with those bulletins! Tee hee!
    have a super fabulous day!

    • February 19, 2015 at 9:45 am

      They just might Kathe. Some of this may be on purpose. You have a super day too. πŸ™‚

  14. February 19, 2015 at 8:39 am

    My favorite…Hmmm…tough. I'm going to go with

    "Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door."

    • February 19, 2015 at 9:46 am

      That's a good one too. Totally not thinking when they put these together. πŸ™‚

  15. February 19, 2015 at 11:19 am

    Those are just super. I needed a good laugh. We are all thawing out slowly. We finally got our power back this morning and I have to tell you it sure feels good. The ice storm knocked us out for four days. Have a great day Sandee, Zane and Little Bit.

    • February 19, 2015 at 11:34 am

      Yikes, I didn't know you were in that awful ice storm too. I'm glad you've got your power back. Scritches to all the babies. πŸ™‚

  16. February 19, 2015 at 11:35 am

    Where do you find these? They are fantastic. The weight watchers one will have me laughing all day.

    • February 19, 2015 at 11:41 am

      One of my boating buddies sent me these. I've no idea where he got them. πŸ™‚

  17. February 19, 2015 at 12:10 pm

    Electric girdles sounded painful. The ladies of the Church having cast off clothing made me LOL, but the last one, about upping your pledge, took the proverbial cake.

    • February 19, 2015 at 12:28 pm

      I wonder if they would make us look better though. Probably not. πŸ™‚

  18. February 19, 2015 at 2:56 pm

    Ha! They must have known I was coming with a side dish at the pot luck dinner, hahahhaa

    • February 19, 2015 at 3:12 pm

      You write well though so these mistakes aren't something you'd do. About your cooking, I don't think your family is complaining either. πŸ™‚

    • February 20, 2015 at 2:02 am

      The first time I said, 'If you don't like my cooking, please feel free to replace me in the kitchen,' I never heard another complaint. πŸ˜‰

    • February 20, 2015 at 4:29 pm

      Yes, that one works wonders doesn't it. Yes indeed. πŸ™‚

  19. February 19, 2015 at 5:33 pm

    Oops! Double doors for weight watchers! Can't get better than that.

    • February 19, 2015 at 5:34 pm

      Yep, that one was pretty bad. Well for the folks on weight watches. πŸ™‚

  20. February 19, 2015 at 6:33 pm

    This one: Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

    And the double doors… my favorites!!!

    • February 20, 2015 at 7:22 am

      Those are both good ones. People sometimes just don't realize what they are really saying. Bless their hearts. πŸ™‚

  21. February 19, 2015 at 6:49 pm

    That basement's a happening place!

    • February 20, 2015 at 7:23 am

      Yep, it sure is Binky. πŸ™‚

  22. February 20, 2015 at 7:51 am

    I'm currently sitting in a Starbucks laughing like crazy. So funny! Thanks for the lift!

    • February 20, 2015 at 8:11 am

      Nothing as funny as some church bulletins. Glad I could provide you a lift. πŸ™‚

  23. February 20, 2015 at 12:49 pm

    Dear Sandee, These announcements were funny; especially the last one.
    Have a great weekend. xoxoxo Catherine

    • February 20, 2015 at 4:28 pm

      Yes, the folks that do these bulletins can sure make a mess of it at times.

      You have a great weekend too. πŸ™‚

  24. Ann
    February 21, 2015 at 3:36 am

    That last one is priceless. Love it. I'm still trying to imagine just how big that donation envelope is that you have to put the deceased in.

    • February 21, 2015 at 7:16 am

      Yep, that one was a puzzle to me too. πŸ™‚

  25. MNL
    April 1, 2018 at 3:59 pm

    these are hilarious!

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