Church Bulletins

They’re Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for the church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced at church services:

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

The sermon this morning: ‘Jesus Walks on the Water. β€˜The sermon tonight: β€˜Searching for Jesus.’

Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

Don’t let worry kill you off – let the Church help.

Miss Charlene Mason sang ‘I will not pass this way again,’ giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

Next Thursday there will be try-outs for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be ‘What Is Hell?’ Come early and listen to our choir practice.

Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

Hat tip: Nick M.
Image Credit: Christ the King

  45 comments for “Church Bulletins

  1. February 17, 2015 at 12:47 am

    I've noticed a bit of deterioration, myself. bahahahaha!

    big hugs xoxo

    • February 17, 2015 at 9:09 am

      So have I Barb and I don't like it one bit. πŸ™‚

  2. February 17, 2015 at 2:49 am

    LMAO well I certainly won't be going to listen to the choir practice LOL

    Have a sermontastic day Sandee :-h

    • February 17, 2015 at 9:09 am

      Me either Steve. Sounds awful. πŸ™‚

  3. February 17, 2015 at 2:51 am

    One after the next, I laughed. These are great. Thanks

    • February 17, 2015 at 9:10 am

      I did too. One of my boating buddies sent this to me. The other half will be posted on Thursday. πŸ™‚

  4. February 17, 2015 at 4:20 am

    LOl So funny πŸ™‚

    • February 17, 2015 at 9:10 am

      Woof woof funny. πŸ™‚

  5. LAC
    February 17, 2015 at 5:51 am

    Those were great! I needed a smile to get moving today.

    • February 17, 2015 at 9:10 am

      Sometimes it's tough to go to work isn't it. πŸ™‚

  6. February 17, 2015 at 6:06 am

    I'm dying of laughing with these church bulletins. I really liked this one, " At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice." Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
    Have a wonderful Tuesday Sandee. See ya.

    Cruisin Paul

    • February 17, 2015 at 9:11 am

      Yep, I think I'll pass on the choir practice. πŸ™‚

  7. February 17, 2015 at 6:16 am

    These are all belly-laugh funny. My favor one is: "The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water. β€˜The sermon tonight: β€˜Searching for Jesus.'"

    • February 17, 2015 at 9:16 am

      Yep, some folks weren't thinking a bit when they wrote these. I laughed out loud too. πŸ™‚

  8. February 17, 2015 at 6:29 am

    Those churches really need some spell-checkers! When I was a kid, I remember typing bulletins up for my uncle's church whenever I visited–I was all of 13 or 14…

    • February 17, 2015 at 9:16 am

      You probably did way better than these folks did. πŸ™‚

  9. February 17, 2015 at 6:48 am

    Bean supper… Music will follow. For real! Hahaha!

    • February 17, 2015 at 9:17 am

      That's a no-brainer right? I thought so too. πŸ™‚

  10. February 17, 2015 at 7:10 am

    love all of these! Cheers and big hugs!

    • February 17, 2015 at 9:17 am

      I did too. Cheers and big hugs back my friend. πŸ™‚

  11. February 17, 2015 at 7:49 am

    I think some of those "Church Ladies" knew exactly what they were saying…especially the "bring your husbands" one.

    • February 17, 2015 at 9:17 am

      You may have a point on that one Joe. πŸ™‚

  12. February 17, 2015 at 8:43 am

    Super especially the last two notifications.
    Have a great day!

    • February 17, 2015 at 9:18 am

      I agree my friend. Funny and then some. πŸ™‚

  13. February 17, 2015 at 1:48 pm

    I was actually laughing out loud at some of these, which is saying something. I rarely actually laugh out loud when I'm reading!

    • February 17, 2015 at 1:59 pm

      Well, I'm happy to hear that you actually laughed out loud. I though these were so funny. πŸ™‚

  14. February 17, 2015 at 2:05 pm

    marriage does have a way of ruining a perfectly good friendship….lol

    • February 17, 2015 at 2:25 pm

      Sometimes that's true. It didn't happen this time around for me though. I'm one lucky gal. πŸ™‚

  15. February 17, 2015 at 2:54 pm

    Those are all good, but the one I didn't see was, "Monday Night we will be having a peter-pulling at brother taffy's house.

    • February 17, 2015 at 3:26 pm

      You're right Ron, that one isn't in there and it's a classic. πŸ™‚

  16. February 17, 2015 at 7:18 pm

    I wonder how many husbands were disposed of during the rummage sale.

    • February 18, 2015 at 7:02 am

      Probably not any, but it sure sounds like that was the plan. πŸ™‚

  17. February 18, 2015 at 3:50 am

    My pet rock sez I've been writing those bulletins. I coulda swore that Seymour was…

    • February 18, 2015 at 7:02 am

      Not Seymour. He's perfect in my book. I think I'm biased. πŸ™‚

  18. February 18, 2015 at 10:46 am

    These were funny even a day late. It's a good idea to have a proof reader or just another pair of eyes check these bulletins before they go out to the public.

    • February 18, 2015 at 11:01 am

      It's essential to have a proof reader to make sure these kind of things don't happen. πŸ™‚

  19. February 18, 2015 at 11:09 am

    BWAHAHA! This is some good stuff Sandee! Hooray for church bulletins!

    • February 18, 2015 at 11:37 am

      Bloopers have been making the rounds in most every church since the very first bulletin. πŸ™‚

  20. February 18, 2015 at 11:34 am

    Man, I hate when that deterioration sets in cuz it stays! Good ones.

    Big hugs, honey…

    • February 18, 2015 at 11:37 am

      It sure does stay. Bugger on that too. πŸ™‚

  21. February 18, 2015 at 2:26 pm

    Dear Sandee, These were funny. I enjoyed this. xoxo Catherine

    • February 18, 2015 at 3:46 pm

      I would be so embarrassed if I did any of these. πŸ™‚

  22. June 28, 2015 at 5:49 pm

    Sandee,

    These are awesome! I love your choices.

    I especially like the one about Fasting & Prayer w-)

    • June 29, 2015 at 6:25 am

      Who says church is a boring place? It's not. πŸ™‚

  23. MNL
    June 16, 2018 at 4:11 am

    these cracked me up — proves the importance of the correct preposition
    “Proceeds will be used to cripple children.”

    and it’s funny that you did these two back to back
    A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
    At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be β€˜What Is Hell?’ Come early and listen to our choir practice.

    (hmmm, did the choir go to the bean supper too before practice? you’ll get a two-for-one hell, ears and nose)

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